“Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.” ~Robert Tew
Back in 2014, I was completely overwhelmed by misery. Five years prior, I had relocated to Palestine, where I eventually met my spouse and chose to stay in one of the globe's most turbulent regions.
There I was, residing in a foreign land, far from the familiar comforts of home I had always relied on. My marriage was filled with turmoil and suffering, and I had no support system.
With no relatives nearby and a constant exodus of expatriates from the area, most of the friends I had formed had returned to their native countries, leaving me isolated.
My reluctance to disclose the troubles in my marriage, driven by fear and shame, prevented me from confiding in the few friends who remained. My connections felt superficial, and I grew increasingly lonely and detached.
During that period, I looked back at my college self and wondered where that carefree, self-assured young woman had vanished. Not only had I lost everything I cherished, but somewhere along the journey, I had also lost my own identity.
I pretended everything was fine, both to others and to myself. I vividly recall the moment I finally acknowledged my true situation. I was participating in a four-day yoga workshop led by my instructor, David Sye. As I moved to the rhythm of the music, I felt electrified!
It was the most alive I had felt in years—perhaps even the best sensation of my entire life.
In that instant, I recognized my unhappiness. Something was blocking me from experiencing that vibrant energy in every other aspect of my life.
At first, I was terrified that admitting my unhappiness would cause my life to crumble. Instead, I began exploring the link between body, mind, and emotions, which led to genuine and lasting recovery.
This exploration uncovered the core pain fueling my discontent: an addiction to perfectionism and a dread of failure, rooted in a profound sense of inadequacy.
As I dug deeper, I realized this fear originated from my early interactions with my parents and the Midwestern Christian community where I was raised.
While that community offered many wonderful aspects, it also imposed immense pressure to conform to what one "should" do—to avoid mistakes and lead an impeccable life.
This mindset permeated my family. We seldom discussed negative aspects of our lives or relationships. Instead, we dealt with difficult emotions through sarcasm rather than openly addressing the underlying needs.
Because certain emotions were labeled as negative and ignored, I grew up believing I was only worthy if I suppressed feelings like anger, guilt, and shame. Consequently, I developed an obsession with perfection and a constant fear of failure.
For most of my life, I managed to hide this. I focused on and excelled at whatever I was good at. My achievements gave me confidence, but that confidence stemmed not from authenticity, but from doing what I thought would impress others and make me feel special.
My fragile confidence shattered when I left my comfort zone for a new country, stripped of the elements I had tied to my identity. To compound matters, these childhood issues surfaced in my relationship with my husband, leading to poor communication and anger. Additionally, I felt immense guilt and shame for not having a perfect marriage.
Once I finally admitted my unhappiness, the facade of perfectionism dissolved, allowing me to confront these wounds and discover the five practices that would mend them.
I was able to forgive my parents, recognizing they did their best and could only teach me what they knew about handling emotions—both those deemed negative and positive.
I finally became vulnerable with others and embraced new experiences, liberated from the fear of failure.
Two years later, my life had transformed. I had healed many of these wounds and felt freer than ever before.
I believed I had lost myself and the person I used to be. I thought I was searching for my former self. Ultimately, I realized I wasn’t trying to find myself—I was freeing myself from everything that held me back.
The five essential practices that helped me achieve this and reignite my zest for life were:
1. Yoga
Although I had practiced hatha and vinyasa yoga for years, I had mainly concentrated on the physical postures. At this point, I incorporated kundalini yoga into my routine a few times weekly, which taught me the connection between body and emotions.
I discovered that emotions are essentially physical reactions within the body. Without movement, these emotions can become trapped in the body, obstructing our natural energy. In fact, emotions from our entire lives can be stored in the body’s memory, meaning childhood experiences can influence our daily existence today.
Eventually, I learned how various poses can not only help release current emotions but also serve as a guide to healing any life challenges and freeing my energy to live fully.
2. Guided Meditation
When I first began meditating, sitting still for even five minutes was a struggle. I was always anxious about confronting emptiness.
I discovered that using a guided meditation recording provided comfort, knowing someone would guide me through the process. I practiced mindfulness meditation, chakra meditations, and yoga nidra.
Mindfulness meditation became my gateway to meditation. It helped me finally sit quietly and become more aware of the present moment.
Chakra meditations and yoga nidra allowed me to connect deeply with myself. They took me on a journey through past experiences that blocked my happiness and linked me to the inner joy that remained constant regardless of life’s circumstances.
3. Journaling
Years earlier, I had read The Artist’s Way and learned about morning pages. In the book, Julia Cameron recommends writing three pages of stream-of-consciousness each morning to release thoughts that hinder creativity.
I resumed this practice, writing three pages daily in my journal. This time, however, I documented my experiences in yoga and meditation. I recorded the emotions that surfaced after specific yoga sessions, when I had felt those emotions before, and the insights gained during meditation.
Journaling about my discoveries helped me process my thoughts and emotions, ultimately letting go of past experiences and facilitating healing.
4. Connecting with Others
A major reason for my unhappiness was my reluctance to share my struggles. I feared revealing my vulnerabilities, so no one truly knew me. I felt lonely and isolated.
I took a small step by telling a friend that something was wrong in my life and I needed to change it. Then, I finally overcame my fear and shame, opening up to a couple of other friends about my marital issues.
These two actions opened the floodgates, bringing people into my life with whom I could share openly and honestly. Fortunately, these individuals all supported mental health care, and I eventually sought counseling—both individually and as a couple.
Having others’ support gave me the strength to make significant life changes. It also meant I stopped pretending everything was fine and finally let people see the real me. They witnessed all my struggles, but also all my beauty.
5. Bringing Creativity and Pleasure Back into My Life
I had always been musical. As a child, I played piano and sang in the school choir. After moving to a new country, I no longer had easy access to my usual creative outlets.
When I realized how unhappy I was, I decided to prioritize creativity and pleasure to regain the spark for life I once had. So I reached out to the friends I had recently opened up to and told them I had always wanted to learn to paint but was afraid I wasn’t good enough.
We then came up with the idea of having art nights together. There was only one rule: it didn’t matter how skilled we were; we would embrace our inner child and simply play with colors and materials.
These art nights reconnected me with the joy I had been missing and opened the door for pleasure to return to every area of my life.
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Through my daily yoga and meditation practice, I discovered more about my true self and what was essential for my happiness. I found myself surrounded by deep friendships—people with whom I could explore creativity and share all my struggles and triumphs. I fulfilled one of my deepest dreams of becoming a yoga teacher.
Most importantly, I learned that a genuine spark for life comes from a place of deep self-acceptance and the ability to find contentment and joy with life as it is right now.
These five practices became crucial for me to continually return to my true self and deepen my self-acceptance. They are practices I revisit every day, especially when stress and difficulties begin to mount. I know these practices will help me regain my spark for life—that profound feeling of joy and gratitude for everything life has to offer.
