by Carl Phillips; tiny buddha
"Life is precious as it is. All the elements for your happiness are already here. There is no need to run, strive, search, or struggle. Just be." ~Thich Nhat Hanh
One of my closest companions was taken from this world when both of us were merely twenty-nine. Since that day, he has crossed my mind on most days.
When I think of him, tears sometimes spring to my eyes and a wave of sorrow washes over me. Occasionally, I reflect on the enormous gap his absence has created. Selfishly, perhaps, I dwell on how deeply his presence is missed.
Other times, I burst out laughing while recalling a hilarious episode we experienced together, or a unique quality he possessed. I frequently draw motivation from the vibrant passion he had for living and his unwavering ambition to thrive.
Even though he passed away at a relatively young age, our friendship had been solid since we were twelve. That year, having discovered he lived on my street, I approached him in class and introduced myself, and from that moment on, we walked to and from school together.
This marked the start of an extraordinary friendship. During our younger years, we passed countless evenings hitting tennis balls until dusk fell, or sharing music while discussing girls. As we matured, we experienced numerous firsts side by side—first holidays without parents, first serious romantic relationships, first homes, first painful breakups. For him, it also included becoming a father.
We rejoiced together, we laughed together, we cried together, we caused a bit of trouble together, we lifted each other up. We did everything truly close friends do throughout many years.
Brad possessed an unmatched enthusiasm for living. Always the initial person on the dance floor at any gathering. Constantly armed with a witty anecdote or tale. He carried an authenticity that drew most people toward him. I was fortunate then, and remain fortunate now, to have called him my friend.
Occasionally, I contemplate how unjust it was that his journey ended so prematurely, despite knowing full well that cancer shows no preference for age or the character of its victim.
Most frequently, however, remembering him now brings a sense of clarity and tranquility to my mind. Issues that had been consuming my attention simply dissolve. I obtain a renewed outlook because I grow intensely conscious of how valuable this life truly is.
The Fragility of Life
We all lose people dear to us if we remain on this earth long enough ourselves. This represents an uncomfortable reality of existence. There is a delicate nature to it.
Nothing is guaranteed. No sequence or fixed duration exists for how long our loved ones will remain in our lives. No assurance that our current state of being, and what we are capable of today, will mirror what we feel and accomplish tomorrow. No guarantee that the wellness and modest prosperity we possess today will accompany us when we wake.
Confronting the delicate nature of life can feel frightening. It can simultaneously feel strengthening. It can guide us toward maintaining a viewpoint that encourages us to live a life overflowing with uplifting moments. It can instill in us a determination to maximize every single day.
Applying Focus to Our Days
One of the great contradictions of our lives is that so many of us opt to remain occupied, yet we grumble about lacking time for our creative pursuits and aspirations. We postpone things until tomorrow, behaving as though we possess infinite time to bring our dreams to fruition.
The book we pledged to author.
The new ability we delayed yet another year to acquire.
The fantasy journey we promised ourselves and our family for the past five years.
All of us engage in this behavior, far too frequently.
When we examine life through the lens of possessing a limited span of time, we become far more inclined to use that time wisely.
Gratitude for the Way Things Are
Although chasing fresh objectives deserves admiration, we must also discover how to appreciate the present moment. We need to carve out time to relish our triumphs, both minor and major, and to celebrate our current circumstances.
Exploring the world has transformed into a deep passion for me, largely because I wed someone who shares this wanderlust and has literally broadened my horizons. I travel more than most individuals do—it holds a high position in our lives. Dream journeys have materialized for me. Nevertheless, I refuse to take this for granted.
Whenever I journey and arrive somewhere entirely new for the first time, I deliberately pause to consider how fortunate I am to witness this new adventure. I pause to reflect on the companion I lost, along with others who haven't been as fortunate. I make an effort to fully embrace this sense of thankfulness. It enables me to experience this new destination on a richer level.
I attempt to cling to this sensation and allow it to extend into other facets of my existence. When I step back and gain perspective, I recognize that the majority of my troubles are relatively trivial.
My train is delayed, and when it eventually arrives, it's jam-packed.
The coffee machine has malfunctioned, preventing me from obtaining my usual latte from my preferred café during my commute to work.
What connection exists among all the aforementioned 'issues'? They represent, undeniably, first world problems. Countless individuals across the globe endure circumstances far worse than mine—people who face unimaginable suffering daily, simply attempting to navigate their existence.
I strive to recall this so I don't neglect the invaluable blessings already present in my life, and so I don't grumble about "how difficult my situation is," when in reality, I'm only contending with minor irritations and setbacks.
I don't always succeed in this endeavor, naturally. I still obstruct my own progress more often than I'd prefer, as we all do occasionally. I'm still developing, but cultivating thankfulness has helped me maintain perspective.
Learning to Let Things Go
Anger, hatred, remorse, jealousy, disillusionment. All can transform into destructive emotions that consume us from within.
None of these feelings genuinely serve a purpose, or advance us much, yet we cling to them, as though they were nourishment.
In my own situation, I can and do draw inspiration from others, but I recognize that if I begin comparing excessively, jealousy may creep in. I need to monitor this tendency.
If I even approach experiencing envy toward someone else whom I perceive as having greater achievements than me, or being in a position I aspire to reach, I attempt to remind myself that I cannot know what these people genuinely experience.
I have no insight into their journey or what sacrifices they've been compelled to make. I cannot tell whether they experience genuine contentment, or whether they're simply concealing profound insecurity or self-doubt behind falsehoods and a smile. This realization helps me release the urge to compare and instead dedicate myself to my personal path.
The same principle applies to remorse. It's a feeling I've worked hard to distance myself from. I'm human and I commit errors, mistakes I have no desire to repeat. I've caused pain to people dear to me whom I never wish to wound again through reckless behavior or thoughtless words at times. Yet tormenting myself repeatedly over those errors serves no purpose. It represents a squandering of the precious life I'm fortunate enough to inhabit.
I consider myself someone who embraces living fully. I have lessons to absorb, and can draw upon them to propel my effort toward becoming a more refined version of myself.
Perhaps this perspective and approach to existence is simply part of growing older and maturing. Or perhaps it's because I've developed a more comprehensive understanding of who I am and how fortunate I am, and have mastered the art of releasing these emotions. Recognizing them for what they represent—a drain on my attention.
And to be completely honest, I remain very much a work in progress. I'm nowhere near achieving Zen-like serenity constantly. I still become irritated by things I shouldn't. I occasionally still respond disproportionately to circumstances. I can still nurse a grudge longer than I'd wish. I still encounter the bitter pang of disappointment in others sometimes, despite understanding this reveals more about my own expectations than about them. I'm growing more capable of releasing things but I still have progress to make.
When we genuinely accept the truth that our lives are invaluable, we can opt to abandon the negativity. We can opt to release the things that, upon reflection, matter far less.
Making Time for Those That Matter Most
A limited duration in this world means we must establish priorities. We must decline certain things so we can embrace those things that hold the greatest significance for us.
This means guaranteeing there exists meaningful space in our days for our families, our companions, and ourselves. I'm not referring to five minutes snatched here and there while gazing at a screen; I mean quality time during which we are completely engaged with those near us and our environment.
Regarding time for ourselves, meaningful time spent checking in with our own needs might include a long walk, some meditation, or any other act of self-nurturing.
Fleeting Moments in Time
Acknowledging the reality that each of us occupies a temporary position in this world should provide ample motivation to infuse our days with clarity and intention.
We must carve out time for the people who matter most to us.
We must carve out time for ourselves.
We must carve out time to voice our dreams openly.
Working hard is wonderful and admirable, but we must guarantee we're allocating ample time to celebrate our accomplishments and relish our journeys.
These constitute ephemeral and invaluable moments in time. Let's optimize them fully.
