NEW YORK, NY –
Facing mounting criticism from the Hoboes Union Of America alongside growing concerns over the deteriorating state of player apparel, the NBA revealed this week that homeless individuals will now be permitted to take the court during regular season home contests.
The decision, prompted by a string of players stepping onto the hardwood in visibly shredded jerseys, permits clubs to insert a hobo into the final period whenever a starter's kit appears in worse shape than that of the available vagrant.
NBA Authorizes Hoboes To Compete In Regular Season Action
Homeless Garments Rival Official NBA Uniforms
Sample Of Hobo Attire
An anonymous NBA Board of Directors member explained: "honestly, our chief complaint about letting hoboes onto the court always centered on how ragged their clothing looked, which makes complete sense given they reside in vacant railcars."
"That argument is pretty much dead now that our own athletes' gear isn't in significantly better condition."
Kits currently supplied by Nike under a brand new one-billion-dollar agreement have ripped apart multiple times throughout games. The athletic giant is scrambling to fix the defect.
Limited Basketball Skills
Homeless Individual At Charity Stripe
Despite occasionally looking sharper on the floor than the home squad, league officials remain baffled by the hobo community's insistence on competing, given their apparent lack of basketball knowledge.
"They haven't put points on the board, can't complete a pass or handle the ball, and show zero grasp of fundamentals like traveling or sidelines," the director noted. "We genuinely can't figure out their motivation."
"Then again, it could relate to the league's $562,493 minimum starting paycheck and the opportunity to experience regular life for once. Either way, we can't keep exposing spectators to these beat-up outfits. If these individuals can help us polish the NBA image, we ought to acknowledge their contribution and welcome them onto the court for regular season, conference playoffs, and should it come to that, the May finals."
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