by Natashia Larkin; tiny buddha
“The goal is to die with memories, not dreams.” ~Unknown
As we stood hand in hand beneath that massive oak tree, I had never felt so enveloped in love. It was both the most beautiful and the most surreal moment of my entire existence as we exchanged vows and said, “I do.”
It had truly happened. I had wed my closest companion.
We chose to move our wedding up by a year after my husband’s father, Ian, received a cancer diagnosis. Within nine months, we had organized and brought to life our ideal wedding day. And he was present.
We drank, sang, and danced until late into the night. Three days later, my father-in-law dropped us off at the airport for our honeymoon. We were thrilled about a week away to reflect on the wedding and decompress from the chaos of the previous nine months.
But after only twenty-four hours, we were on a flight back to England. Ian had died unexpectedly.
Following a turbulent week of tears, embraces, and family gatherings, it still hadn’t fully sunk in. Now, months later, it still hasn’t truly registered.
I had lived with my mother and father-in-law for a few years before this. He was a man who made me laugh every single day. But perhaps most importantly, he constantly urged us to chase our dreams, explore the world, and pursue what brings us joy. It’s difficult to accept he’s no longer here.
I had always admired his perspective on life. And though he is no longer physically with us, he has left behind some guiding principles that I will treasure forever.
- Always prioritize people.
Life can get hectic. Sometimes overwhelmingly so. But one thing Ian did effortlessly was carve out time for others. Whether he knew them intimately or not, he always had a moment for a conversation. He connected with people, exchanged stories, and more importantly, he listened to their tales and delighted in learning about individuals from all backgrounds.
Wherever he went, people were thrilled to see him. Even if it was just a week-long trip to Spain, you knew he’d return with a collection of amusing anecdotes from locals and acquaintances he’d met. He possessed an aura that naturally drew people in and made them want to pause and chat with him.
So what have I taken away from this? Yes, life is busy. But it will slip by if you allow it. Sometimes, it’s worth taking that extra five minutes to stop and talk to someone. Invest time in getting to know them. Making time for others brings a deeply satisfying feeling.
You never know who you might encounter. You never know how people might impact or shape your life. But beyond that, you have no idea how you might influence or transform someone else’s life, even through a single conversation.
One thing that dampens my spirits, and something I try to avoid these days, is reading the news. Reading about how people treat each other, especially given current events. Simply making time for people you don’t usually talk to, or getting to know a new person, can work wonders in restoring your faith in humanity. There are incredible people out there!
My husband, like his father, is exceptionally skilled at connecting with people. One night, as we chatted tipsily with a taxi driver, we discovered he was a Buddhist from India. That’s not the remarkable part.
As he pulled up outside our house, we were talking about travel and how we’d love to visit India someday. He took out his wallet and said, “What is this? Money? It’s just paper. Life is too short to always chase money. You need to see the world and make the most of it.”
The conversation with that taxi driver was brief, but it lingered with me for days. It brought us so much joy. We even kept his card so we could call him next time we needed a ride—and perhaps another motivational talk about life!
We’ve always known we’d travel again someday, and while we understood his point about money being just paper, you do need some to get started, even if it’s just booking a one-way ticket!
But this conversation sparked excitement in us, and we began dreaming of ways to travel on a budget. It turns out, if you think creatively, travel can be much more affordable than you imagine.
- Travel nourishes the spirit.
Ian loved to travel. He visited some amazing places in his lifetime and was always seeking his next adventure. As I mentioned, he enjoyed meeting new people and experiencing different lifestyles. He was always the first to volunteer himself and his wife for an adventure, and they have some truly remarkable stories as a result.
He always encouraged us to travel, and we can’t wait for the day we pack our bags and set off on our biggest adventure yet. And wherever we go, a part of him will always accompany us.
If there’s one lesson I’ve learned, it’s that you should travel whenever and wherever you can—and you don’t need to be wealthy to do it! You could consider volunteering abroad, house-sitting, or simply saving up by cutting back on non-essentials in your daily life.
Whatever you choose to do, always seize the chance to experience new cultures and let them shape who you are. When I’m old and gray, I want to look back and know that I have some truly great memories and experiences to share.
- Always stay true to yourself.
This was something Ian excelled at. No matter what, he was always unapologetically Ian. He didn’t waste time worrying about appearances or doing what was conventional. He was the life of many parties, largely because he was simply happy being himself.
This really strikes a chord with me. I know I worry too much. Sometimes I fret about what others think of me. Not always, but I know I let other people’s opinions affect my actions and mood from time to time.
Most of us need to work on being ourselves more often. There are many people out there, like me, who know they can sometimes be held back by others’ opinions. But we are all unique, and I truly believe people love you more for just being you. And sure, you won’t get along with everyone, but you’ll form more genuine connections (and definitely have more fun) by being your authentic self.
- Life is indeed too short not to make the most of it—so seize the moment.
Despite everything he accomplished in his time on earth, he left too soon. He was fifty-three and still had an incredible passion for life. On our wedding day, despite being ill, Ian was one of the last men on the dance floor, shirt off, swinging it over his head. If you hadn’t known he was sick, you would never have guessed it.
Perhaps this is an overused saying, but it’s something I now believe to be absolutely true: You really should live each day as if it were your last. Because the past two years have taught me that you never know when your time will come.
As someone who deals with anxiety, I often find myself getting frustrated or worried about things I shouldn’t. I’m trying to teach myself to let go. And if there’s one thing I hope you take from this, it’s that life is far too short to worry about what others think of you.
Always be grateful for the small things, because one day they may become the big things. Enjoy every moment with your loved ones, and don’t hold grudges, because what’s the point? Cherish every hug, accept every compliment, and seize every opportunity you can to make someone else smile.
