Ending any relationship can be daunting. Nobody enjoys delivering difficult news, but eventually, we all need to close certain chapters—whether with a partner, a supervisor, a colleague, or even a healthcare provider. While resigning from a job might feel straightforward, how do you tell your therapist you've decided to work with someone else or that the current dynamic isn't working for you?
If you've been putting off this conversation, don't worry. There are respectful ways to end this professional bond, and experienced therapists share their advice below.
Ending Therapy with Your Therapist
Reflect on the reasons
Before deciding to stop therapy, think carefully about what's not meeting your needs. Are you lacking enough guidance? Do you feel stuck or see no progress? These concerns deserve an open conversation with your therapist.
Dr. Chloe Carmichael, a licensed psychologist based in New York City, often hears from potential clients who felt their previous therapy wasn't effective. When she asks whether they voiced their dissatisfaction or addressed specific issues with their former therapist, most admit they didn't. Yet Carmichael and many other clinicians stress that honesty—even about problems with the therapist—is crucial.
“This is really rich clinical therapeutic material,” Carmichael tells SheKnows. “I really encourage the client to talk about the issue with the therapist. A lot can be gained for the client. Therapy is supposed to be a place where you can talk about anything.”
However, if you feel unsafe, disrespected, or uncomfortable during sessions, it may be acceptable to simply stop attending without explanation.
“Rapport and respect are very important in therapy. If you don’t feel that there’s rapport or respect, or there’s a lack of professionalism, you might not have any need to discuss it. It’s not always necessary,” Carmichael adds.
You are free to shop around
Even if you've built a long-term relationship with your therapist, you have every right to seek a second opinion or try someone new if you feel you've hit a plateau.
“It’s almost like dating. You have to feel it out and discuss the issues,” says Dr. Shoshana Sperling, a psychotherapist in Fair Lawn, New Jersey, with over 15 years of experience.
Don't worry about hurting your therapist's feelings—you are the one seeking support, and if you aren't getting what you need, finding a new therapist is your choice.
Dr. Bryant Williams, a psychologist in New York City for more than 25 years, encourages patients to think of themselves as consumers. He compares therapy to hiring an architect: if the work isn't satisfactory, you hire someone else.
“It’s important not to be concerned about hurting a therapist’s feelings because the patient is hiring the therapist to work with them,” he explains.
Be straightforward
Even if therapy focuses on anxiety or fear of confrontation, you shouldn't be afraid to address ending sessions directly. All three therapists agree that honesty is the best policy.
“Honesty is important,” says Sperling. “Just explain, ’Thank you for helping me this year, but I’m going to seek someone else for a different approach.’”
“A new pair of eyes could be good,” she adds.
Williams agrees: a simple email saying you've “found someone who is a better fit” works fine. “I’m OK if someone does that via email. I don’t take offense to it,” he says.
Pausing is perfectly fine
Therapy can be a long journey, but if you feel ready to go without regular sessions, take a break without guilt.
In fact, therapists are often pleased when clients feel confident enough to reduce or stop sessions.
Carmichael tells her clients from the start that she views reducing or discontinuing sessions as a success.
“If [the patients] feel that they have accomplished their goals and they don’t need to continue coming to therapy, then it’s totally fine with me if we go down to booster sessions (once a month or 30 minute sessions). I actually really encourage that,” she explains. “I don’t regard it as breaking up. It’s a completion of the relationship. The client has completed his goals.”
Sperling also supports taking breaks when you're feeling better.
“Talk to your therapist and say, ‘I feel better. I feel I have learned the strategies and tools to be more independent,’” she recommends. “Maybe just keep the lines of communication open if you want to come back for a refresher—maybe six months to a year. It’s a positive experience. I would be happy that the person reached that awareness,” she notes.
Ultimately, the focus should be on you. Whether you need a pause or a different therapist, do what serves your well-being. Don't hesitate to end a relationship that isn't working.
“I wouldn’t call it breaking it up—I would call it addressing issues for a good fit,” Carmichael adds.
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