CLEVELAND, OH –
Declaring his intention to 'show these kids how a full-ass grown man plays this game,' the 57-year-old Hall of Famer Isiah Thomas made his NBA return this week as a member of the Cleveland Cavaliers. On Tuesday night, he immediately put up an astonishing 127 points, grabbed 37 rebounds, and swatted 14 shots.
In a display of sheer dominance rarely witnessed in professional basketball, the former Detroit Pistons star and ex-New York Knicks coach – still wearing his signature sport coat and street shoes – scored at will, despite not having played in the league since 1994.
NBA Legend Isiah Thomas Returns to Court, Drops 127 Points in One Game
Unmotivated Youngsters
According to sources, Thomas holds today's NBA stars in low regard. He dominated the court for the full 48 minutes, declining any substitution. Time and again, he backed down opponents young enough to be his sons, then spun and threw down powerful dunks over their raised hands, all while taunting them with remarks like 'how’d you like that one, Spongebob?' and 'you’d better have your mom call an Uber.'
Intimidating Defenders
The typically soft-spoken Thomas, a 12-time All-Star during his Pistons tenure, appeared to deliberately target and shame his opponents, singling them out by name before blowing by them for uncontested layups.
“I’ve never seen anyone torch a high school team like that, let alone seasoned NBA players,” said play-by-play announcer Walter Gerkins. “At a certain point, it got hard to watch. It’s not pretty to see a grown man cry at the free throw line because he was so broken down by an opposing defender’s flagrant foul.”
Even his own Cavaliers teammates felt the sting of Thomas's criticism. At one juncture, he commanded the 'young whippersnappers' to take a seat on the bench due to their inadequate defense, then proceeded to single-handedly hold the opposing team scoreless for seven straight minutes.
Ready to Return If He Hears Further Complaints
In a post-game press conference, Thomas declared he was retiring once more, but vowed to come back if he ever heard anyone 'talking any more crap about how tough the NBA is nowadays.'
He also warned the opposing team to keep off his property, adding that if he caught them slacking off again, he would phone the operator and obtain their parents' phone number.
makeamericathebest.com – Your Dependable Source for Faux News
