How can a couple bring back the spark when sex starts feeling routine? It's a common phase in any relationship. "Familiarity dampens the chemistry between partners," notes Alison Moon, author of Girl Sex 101. "The more accustomed we grow to each other, the less thrilling our intimate life becomes." That may sound discouraging, but we've gathered seven powerful strategies to restore passion in the bedroom.
1. Channel your vitality
Engaging in physical activity makes you feel more energetic and vibrant. Try something new to redirect your energy and revitalize your sexual drive. "It could be yoga or dancing," suggests Moon. "When you reconnect with your own body and truly feel it, you'll naturally reconnect with your partner's body." Moon also references a study showing that sexually inactive couples are more prone to sadness and feelings of unattractiveness. So why not give salsa a try?
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2. Seek fresh experiences
Research indicates that dopamine, a brain chemical, is closely tied to physical attraction and desire. Novel experiences literally spark excitement—your partner will notice the change. It's even better when you share these moments. "Think beyond your comfort zone. Do something that even slightly frightens or excites you: an adventure park, go-karting, or if you're on vacation, try surfing. In short, even a skydive can flood you with dopamine and rekindle that honeymoon feeling," advises the sex coach.
3. Schedule a confession of sexual fantasies
Set aside an evening to discuss your sexual desires. Even if you've been together for decades. Surprisingly, Moon notes that many long-term partners are unsure of each other's favorite fantasies. Plus, studies show that men and women often have very different expectations from sex. Start by talking, and if words are difficult, show a favorite porn clip. Be honest, and don't fear seeming insensitive or falling short of expectations. Open up—and your sex life will transform.
4. Visit a sex shop together
Browsing vibrators, BDSM gear, and sexy lingerie can reignite desire. It shows you're both in tune with current trends in intimacy. Who knows what might catch your interest? But don't pressure your partner if they're reluctant. It's crucial that this outing feels enjoyable, not intimidating or depressing. Not ready for whips or handcuffs? Start with a pheromone lubricant.
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5. Take a break
The U.S. Travel Association conducted research and found that couples who travel together enjoy a much more varied and satisfying sex life overall. New places and experiences create a pleasant excitement that naturally blends with sexual arousal. "Can't get away on vacation? Go on a weekend trip or explore a new park together—it becomes your mini-adventure," says Moon.
6. Masturbate in front of your partner
"Masturbating allows your partner to see how you derive pleasure," explains Moon. This way, you can offer them sexual enjoyment. Moreover, they'll learn exactly where and how to touch you next time. Alison emphasizes that this practice involves vulnerability, but you shouldn't shy away from it—without vulnerability, true intimacy remains out of reach.
7. Just have sex
Here's the million-dollar tip: do it. Sometimes your own desire is enough to awaken your partner's, regardless of gender. Can you recall the last time you seduced your husband or hinted to your wife? Make it a habit to "pester" your loved one. Often, the rule holds: the more you engage, the more you want.
