Dear E. Jean: Through a college acquaintance, I got my boyfriend his ideal position. He mentioned she gave him great guidance and was incredibly encouraging. But just days after he started, he ended things with me.
Now here’s what’s happening: I’m hunting for work, applying at the same company, and that same college friend won’t even acknowledge me! Why?
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—Unemployed and Desperate
Unemployed, my dear: Why? Because you’ve drained your Favor Bank account. You’re familiar with the Favor Bank concept, right? Tom Wolfe introduced the term in The Bonfire of the Vanities. Let’s recap: You called on your college friend to get your ex a role at her organization—a massive request that took a huge chunk out of your Favor Bank balance. She then had to dip into her own Favor Bank reserves to set up interviews with executives and make sure he was hired. So now her Favor Bank account is in the red. That’s why, when you reach out asking about a position for yourself—no dice. You’re both in Favor Bank debt.
It also doesn’t help that she might be the office Mean Girl, probably liked your guy, and maybe wanted to keep you distant from him. Whatever the case, if you don’t master the Favor Bank system, your career could stall before it even begins.
The principles are straightforward: 1. Perform big favors for people ahead of you and small favors for those behind you. (And don’t pretend you can’t figure out who’s above or below. Your human brain is wired mostly for sex and comparing your status to others.) 2. Keep doing favors for months, even years. (Volunteer for free at a startup; arrange internships for someone’s sibling at your uncle’s sporting-goods store; offer to tutor a CEO’s kids in Spanish, math, or history at no charge; create a Facebook page for a busy businesswoman and manage its growth; visit entrepreneurs’ websites, help their videos go viral, post thoughtful comments, etc.) Ask for nothing back. 3. Then when you need the big favor—like a job—everyone will owe you.
This letter is from the E. Jean archive.
