By Cheyenne Bell
I’ve always been the sort of woman who didn’t have many female friends. Naturally introverted, making friends was never easy for me. And building bonds with other women felt especially tough. I just couldn’t connect with the things many girls seemed to enjoy: gossip, makeup, flirtatious behavior, cheerleading (no disrespect intended). My preferences leaned toward reading, writing, and having genuine conversations—the “nerdy” stuff. So even though I had a few close-ish female friends in high school and college, I never fully grasped the value of having girlfriends.
Then I had a baby, and suddenly I craved female companionship in a way I’d never known. I can’t fully explain it, but there was a deep, ingrained need to connect and share experiences with other women navigating the same phase—new motherhood. Despite my hesitation, I pushed past my fear and began seeking out groups of new moms to spend time with.
I can’t overstate how that choice has improved my life. Yes, it was challenging. Yes, I felt exposed. Yes, it drained my introvert energy. But it was absolutely worth it. It has rescued my sanity and my life in countless ways.
10 Ways My Mom Tribe Saved Me
1. Postpartum Depression
After my first child was born, I battled severe postpartum depression. Initially, I refused to accept that I had PPD. But my midwife and doula eventually made me realize my feelings were far beyond the “baby blues.” My doula encouraged me to connect with a group of women who had started a Facebook Group and met regularly for playdates. I was reluctant, but I gave it a shot—a week later, I brought my 3-month-old to her first playdate. Obviously, she just slept on my chest, but the women I met there transformed my life. They helped lift me out of my fog and set me on the path to recovery. I’ll always be grateful to them for being my lifeline when I felt utterly lost and alone.
2. SAHM Isolation
Transitioning from six years as an attorney to being a stay-at-home mom was a huge shock. I wasn’t prepared for how isolating caring for an infant at home could be. It was all too easy to feel depressed, invisible, and disconnected from the world. Having a circle of moms I could meet with regularly—even just for an hour once a week—was enough to make me feel less alone. As we grew closer, we started texting and chatting in our Facebook group, and when we could, we’d plan moms’ nights out.
3. Wisdom and Advice
Of course, asking for advice from women you hardly know can be risky. If you’ve been a mom for five minutes, you know that mom-shaming and competition are real (and awful). But when you find a group of moms you feel at ease with, it’s incredibly helpful to discuss parenting choices and other topics with people who truly understand you. You don’t have to agree on every parenting style, but having different perspectives and advice when you need it is a blessing.
4. Girlfriends
Over time, the mom group I joined after my daughter’s birth evolved into more than just mom friends—they became genuine girlfriends. It felt wonderful to have women in my life who were walking the same path, who could relate to my daily struggles and celebrate my joys. I hadn’t realized until then how essential girlfriends are to a woman’s mental and emotional health. Yes, my husband was my partner and best friend. But having girlfriends to lean on and talk to, who truly understood what I was going through as a new mom, was incomparable.
5. Free Babysitting
Sometimes you just need to dash to the store without worrying about what to do with your kid, right? My mom tribe was amazing at watching each other’s children when a mom had no other option and needed to run an errand. It was such a relief to call a mom friend and ask if I could drop off my child for an hour—so my husband didn’t have to leave work early or so I could grab groceries without wrestling a screaming toddler.
6. Hand-Me-Downs
For the first few years of my daughter’s life, I never had to buy her new clothes. My mom tribe regularly brought outgrown clothing to our playdates so the rest of us could take whatever fit our little ones. The same went for toys and baby gear. I’m pretty sure at least four of our daughters wore the same outfit over the years as it kept getting passed around! Swapping clothes and toys saved us a ton of money, and it was fun seeing our friends’ kids rocking our babies’ cutest outfits.
7. Breastfeeding Woes
Breastfeeding was incredibly hard for me, especially with my first child. I didn’t realize at the time that it doesn’t always “come naturally.” I thought I was broken, or my baby wasn’t latching correctly, or my body was failing me. When I shared my worries with my tribe, they immediately reassured me that I was perfectly normal, my baby wasn’t a mutant, and I wasn’t alone in my struggles. What a relief! They also referred me to lactation consultants, books, websites, and doctors who helped me get my breastfeeding relationship on track.
8. Free Meals
After my second baby was born, the mom tribe I’d already built was crucial in ensuring my family was fed during those tough early newborn weeks. They organized a meal train, and each night one of my friends would show up at my door with a hot meal. I can’t express how wonderful that made me feel and what a weight it lifted off my shoulders not to have to worry about cooking while we adjusted to our new normal.
9. Bunco/Wine/Movie Nights
As much as I love my family, sometimes a mom just needs to get out of the house and have some silly fun with her girls. My tribe played a key role in preserving my sanity by organizing monthly girls’ nights. We’d play bunco, watch a movie, or just sit and chat over a glass (or two) of wine. There’s something magical about getting out of the house and hanging out with a girlfriend or two for a few hours. You come back home refreshed, a little less crazy, and ready to be a mom again!
10. Carrying Me When the Worst Happened
In October, my worst nightmare became reality when my sweet, amazing husband suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. I can’t begin to describe how my world has been turned upside down. But from the moment my tribe learned what was happening, these women set aside their own busy lives and did everything they could to surround and support me. They brought food, cleaned my house, took my kids to the park, drove me to appointments, made sure I was eating, helped gather important documents lost in my messy office, set up a fund for me and my children, took me to find a dress for my husband’s memorial, planned and paid for my kids’ birthday party, and bought them Christmas gifts. I don’t know how I would have survived the first several weeks after my husband’s death without these amazing, generous women—some of whom barely knew me because we had just moved to a new city. Even now, mom friends check on me and make sure we have what we need on a regular basis. I can never repay these women for all they have done and continue to do.
If I hadn’t allowed myself to be vulnerable in making friends, if I hadn’t stepped out of my comfort zone to engage with other moms, if I hadn’t opened my heart to loving and being loved by other women… my life would be very different today. My life has been enriched and enlightened by the wonderful women who have become my closest friends. They have walked with me through tough new-mom challenges, laughed with me at crazy toddler antics, let me vent about mundane frustrations, and held my hand when I cried. They fed my kids when my life as I knew it shattered before my eyes.
If I could give only one piece of advice to a new mom, it would be this: find your tribe. Don’t wait. Don’t be afraid. Don’t worry about feeling awkward or vulnerable. I’m sure your husband is wonderful—mine was too. I know you can probably do this alone; many women have. But you don’t have to, and you shouldn’t. There’s truth to the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Even more true is that it takes a tribe to support a mom. Find your tribe, mamas.
www.baby-chick.com
