Years ago, a friend told me he loved everything about me except for my personal guidelines. That was a deal breaker for him.
He believed I was too rigid and urged me to loosen up. If we were mismatched then, we'd be even more so today, as my list of principles has only grown.
He'd shake his head in disbelief, listing my choices: no coffee, no alcohol, no TV, no meat or dairy, and no swearing.
A clear personal philosophy simplifies life. I recall being inspired to commit fully to veganism after seeing a friend who never wavered—she simply chose plant-based eating, which was far easier than my daily indecision over vegan, vegetarian, or omnivore.
I never need to moderate wine since I don't drink it, and caffeine doesn't control my mood or energy. Baked goods hold no appeal because I prioritize feeling healthy and guilt-free over fleeting taste, which often disappoints.
I still care for that friend, though we've drifted apart as life moved us forward. Yet I never grasped why my rules troubled him, while his lack of them never bothered me.
Actually, my friend Heather recently posed a question on Facebook: Why do we criticize people for choosing not to do something? Responses included comments like 'I don't trust people who don't drink'—something I hear often at social events. It feels odd because I trust plenty of drinkers and never question why someone chooses coffee, wine, or meat.
When a friend brought me to my first Unleash the Power Within seminar with Tony Robbins, I gained insight into his perspective on personal rules. Robbins discussed how the rules we create to judge the world and others can be harmful, rooted in beliefs and values about right/wrong, good/bad that we absorbed as socialized adults.
If you truly care, you'll... If you truly care, you won't... Others ought to... Others ought not to... Every ___ is... ___ never are...
Such rules often produce more stress than peace, more pain than happiness, and more division than unity. They may have served us once, but if they no longer work, we must continually re-evaluate them and challenge our beliefs to achieve emotional freedom.
Yet, honestly, rules aren't inherently restrictive—they can be liberating, bringing fulfillment, joy, and personal freedom. Show me a satisfied person, and I'll show you someone who created a set of principles and stuck to them. A fit, healthy person follows nutrition and exercise standards; a financially successful person has mastered wealth laws. She eliminates what she doesn't want and trades short-term desires for long-term goals. She lives differently now so she can live exceptionally later.
Perhaps because I've faced death multiple times, I'm stubborn about not improvising—I insist on clear, nonnegotiable principles. I want to live deliberately, as Thoreau said, so that when I die I won't realize I never lived. Some call me obsessive or extreme, but I don't want to 'live a little'; I want to live abundantly, freely, on my terms. I'd rather endure pain for success than suffer the pain of regret.
If you, like me, create and follow your own rules, you'll enjoy this list. Adhering to these patterns can infuse each day with joy and purpose!
- Greet each morning with a smile.
- Accept yourself fully by practicing the Mirror Exercise nightly.
- Make a habit of finding the silver lining in every situation.
- Use polite words like "please" and "thank you" with everyone—they truly work wonders.
- Count your blessings, as gratitude gives birth to joy.
- Stay connected to your spiritual source.
- Always speak the truth.
- Notice something kind in others and offer sincere compliments.
- Apply The Work to forgive both yourself and others.
- Honor your body as a temple and enjoy caring for it—self-care is never selfish.
- Release control and trust a higher power.
- Take small, immediate actions to boost your happiness.
- Express "I love you" frequently, using the other person's love language.
- Tell yourself "I love me"—you are worthy of love.
- Listen to understand, not just to reply. Speak less, hear more.
- Share your feelings openly, including the difficult ones.
- Settle your debts and return borrowed items promptly.
- Avoid self-criticism.
- Let go of past regrets.
- Steer clear of toxic individuals and those who trigger you; surround yourself with uplifting friends.
- Punctuality matters.
- Notice when you judge and swap those thoughts for love and acceptance.
- Craft your ideal life and pursue it passionately.
- Release the pressure to be a perfect mother.
- Enjoy music and sing aloud whenever you can.
- Eliminate disempowering words such as "should" from your speech.
- Allow yourself to cry without apology.
- Assert "no" firmly and maintain boundaries guilt-free.
- Practice kindness toward yourself, others, and even those who are unkind.
- Live by the four agreements: be impeccable with your word, don't take anything personally, don't make assumptions, always do your best.
- Avoid comparing yourself to other mothers; aim only to impress yourself.
- Choose to learn from experiences rather than regret them.
- Dwell on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8).
- Follow your passions.
- Steer clear of gossip and negative news outlets (often called "constant negative news" in personal growth circles).
- Accept your imperfections.
- Plan your time intentionally and prioritize what matters.
- Pray for serenity to accept the unchangeable, courage to change what you can, and wisdom to discern the difference.
- Rely on your gut feelings and intuition.
- Turn your "buts" into positive reframes.
- Own your actions and stop blaming or making excuses.
- Let your core values guide your choices.
- Organize your space, declutter, and embrace simplicity.
- Acknowledge mistakes and apologize genuinely.
- Delay worrying; don't let it consume you.
- Overcome perfectionism; aim for progress, not flawlessness.
- Increase activities that bring you joy.
- Cease trying to please everyone.
- Be a true helper; give without expecting anything in return.
- Keep a light heart; laugh at yourself and your own humor.
Living by your own code of conduct is empowering—it brings clarity, focus, and determination. Pick the rules that resonate with you from this list, or let them inspire your own. Once you've written your principles, keep them accessible and visible.
My friend resisted rules because he feared losing freedom. You might feel similarly, as following others' rules can be painful. But self-imposed rules are freedom: you choose your terms, eliminate what hinders you, and align with your desires. It's not a restriction but a standard that brings awareness, wisdom, and strength to your choices, especially under pressure.
The reality is that we all live by rules, consciously or not. It's beneficial to reflect on and write down the principles that should guide our decisions and actions. Defining your own philosophy prevents unnecessary stress, guilt, regret, and emotional weight, helping you achieve the results you desire.
I could easily fill 50 pages with such rules! What would you add? Share your own in the comments!
