Denmark consistently tops global happiness rankings, and researchers believe this stems from the Danes' tendency to keep their expectations modest. In essence, they view the world without a filter of perfection. Having ideals isn't the problem; the trouble lies in the authority we grant them. Ideals can either uplift us or trap us—and the decision rests with us.
The term ideal can be understood as: 1. Something that exists only as a mental concept or in imagination; broadly: lacking practical application 2. A benchmark of perfection, beauty, or excellence 3. Pertaining to, connected with, or exemplifying an ideal
From the age of twelve, a growing gap between my imagined perfect life and my actual life has haunted me. Raised by successful parents—with a mother who served me motivational quotes and self-help books like daily nourishment—I've always been a visionary, a goal-chaser, and a compulsive list-maker. Deep-rooted insecurity has often fueled my grand, unfulfilled ambitions.
In middle school, I fantasized about high school: a tall boyfriend who played baseball and drove a blue '69 Mustang; being the star soccer player and the center of every boy's attention. Instead, my short boyfriend left me for a close friend who became the team's standout, and I remained perpetually single, insecure, self-hating, and as awkward as a girl could be.
During high school, I crafted a flawless vision of college: playing soccer for a preppy East Coast university, attending division one football games, hanging out with handsome college guys in hoodies and backward caps, and earning top grades. But reality clashed with my ideal when my dream school rejected me, I was hospitalized multiple times for severe depression, gained nearly forty pounds, failed to make the team as a walk-on, transferred colleges three times, and barely passed some classes.
It didn't unfold the way I imagined. Me. My life. My ideal.
My life turned out messy. Weary. Fractured. With glimmers of beauty in between.
From childhood, many of us have constructed a superior, more perfect version of ourselves.
She's 20 pounds lighter, reads The Economist, and runs marathons.
She's captivating, intelligent, and hilarious, commanding attention at every gathering.
Our ideal self embodies the unique values we cherish: athleticism, beauty, style, intellect, personality, generosity. But the peril of holding an ideal self is that it steals our present contentment. It makes us feel perpetually inadequate, as if we haven't yet arrived. The reality is, your ideal self isn't coming to the party. She wasn't invited because she doesn't exist. But you do. With your quirks, insecurities, and perceived shortcomings. And that's a beautiful thing.
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Thankfully, my life no longer resembles the disasters I described. Sure, I still have tough days, but my life is joyful, rich, and fun—I wouldn't trade it for anyone else's.
Don't let your idealized expectations rob you of your current happiness—you are far too valuable, too lovely, and absolutely irreplaceable for that. So, I challenge you. Throw in the towel—break up with your perfect self and love the one you are. Because you're the only you you've got.
How will you live your one valuable and irreplaceable life as the real, completely un-ideal you?
Photo via A Daily Something
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