SAN DIEGO, CA –
A twelve-year-old lion gifted with foresight was horrified this week at the San Diego Zoo when he was suddenly struck by a vivid vision of you, next Saturday, wielding the wand in a teal bathroom with pink shower curtains.
Psychic Lion Wishes He Could Unsee Vision Of You ‘Jerking The Gherkin’
Polishing The Podium
Leonidas, as the lion is known to zoo staff and visitors, was idly peering into the threads of fate when his eyes landed on you near the Dippin’ Dots kiosk close to Panda Canyon’s entrance.
In that instant, as you fiddled with your sunglasses, your future unfolded before him: in four days, at a colleague’s brunch, you would be found handling your personal tackle—a sight he immediately wished he could erase from memory.
Debating With Dante
Standing under the blazing sun, you became aware of the lion’s intense stare.
“What’s up with that lion?” you wondered, reaching into your backpack for a Sprite while he gazed intently. “He has such a weird look.”
In truth, though it would be several days before you arrived at Margaret from accounting’s house, the lion was already suppressing his gag reflex as he beheld you, pumping the presidential palm, while your coworkers celebrated Margaret’s birthday downstairs.
And for reasons you couldn’t explain, looking back at the King of Beasts, you felt a twinge of embarrassment.
Tweaking The Transmitter
But like the paragon of virtue he is, majestic and resplendent in his strength, Leonidas will not judge you for excusing yourself to the self-service station while another brunch guest waited outside for you to finish your business.
Still, if he had one wish, the Lord of all the Earth’s animals would ask that you stay home next week when your friends return to the zoo.
Because frankly, he would prefer not to see you test-firing your meat missile ever again. Especially since you won’t even bother washing your hands when you are done at Margaret’s.
For heaven’s sake.
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