CAIRO, EGYPT –
Cutting-edge imaging technology used to explore underground tunnels in the Sinai Peninsula led to a stunning find last month when researchers identified a series of hieroglyphs portraying actor, director, and producer Danny DeVito.
Archaeologists Unearth Carvings of Danny DeVito in Pharaoh's Ancient Burial Chamber
The Royal Court of Padyspub II
The stone engravings, which form part of the burial site of Pharaoh Padyspub II—a short-lived ruler from the 3rd century BC—offered archaeologists insight into a largely undocumented era when comedy flourished within the Egyptian court.
“While the presence of Danny DeVito’s likeness in these scenes remains puzzling, the inscriptions make it clear he was a jester-like figure, constantly pulling pranks,” stated Alton Montavier, a professor at the British Royals Museum.
“For example, on one panel situated opposite the Pharaoh’s sarcophagus, he is depicted playing the classic Egyptian gag ‘smell my water lily’.”
The carving shows water spraying across the Pharaoh’s face, who appears to be grinning.
“Under normal circumstances, an Egyptian would have been executed immediately for such an act,” Professor Montavier explained. “So it’s evident that the Danny DeVito character held a unique status in that society.”
Forerunner to the God Bes
Pharaoh Padyspub II was an unconventional leader with a fondness for laughter, frequently making sacrifices to Bes, the Egyptian deity of sexuality, humor, and often portrayed as a stout, bearded dwarf.
“There’s an undeniable similarity between Bes and the Danny DeVito figure,” noted Egyptologist Ludi Palma, who led the excavation. “It’s conceivable that he represents an early version of the god during that era. His portrayal includes many humorous traits later linked to Bes: prominent bow legs, shaking a rattle, and sticking out his tongue.”
Early Food Memes Unearthed
Another noteworthy discovery within the tomb was the presence of primitive food memes. “Food memes have appeared in various cultures, but we’ve never encountered such an ancient example before.”
“The earliest known food meme was an image of King Henry VIII’s face on a plate of haggis, woven into a 16th-century tapestry,” Professor Palma said.
“But here we see Danny DeVito’s head being served alongside lavish dishes fit for a Pharaoh. This suggests that consuming Danny DeVito was believed to grant the Pharaoh good health or supernatural abilities.”
Ongoing Investigations
Although Egyptologists still have plenty of work to do in determining why Danny DeVito appears in these ancient carvings, several hypotheses have emerged.
“The most plausible explanation is that the modern-day Danny DeVito is a descendant of the figure shown in the engravings. His ancestors might have migrated from Egypt to Europe during the corn famine of the 2nd century. That would account for the striking physical resemblance and Danny DeVito’s comedic talent.”
“On the other hand, it’s equally possible that the figure belonged to a species of extremely funny aliens who happened to visit Earth during Padyspub II’s reign. Under this theory, the present-day Danny DeVito would be an alien who crash-landed somewhere in New Jersey in the 1970s and turned to acting to support himself in New York.”
“Both ideas are equally valid at this stage,” Professor Palma concluded. “But personally, I’m rooting for the alien theory. It just feels more logical.”
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