Greetings, E. Jean! I'm a journalist on the West Coast—young and barely scraping by on what I earn. My manager has bipolar disorder and swings wildly from praising my work to losing his temper entirely. The editor-in-chief keeps his distance from the reporting staff, rarely engaging with us at all. Health benefits are practically nonexistent, and overtime pay has never once appeared in my paycheck.
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My partner is the one silver lining in this mess. He's also a reporter on staff, and we've been together for half a year now. Honestly, our connection is wonderful. We make a great team both inside and outside the newsroom, and he brings me so much happiness. He shares my frustration with our manager, yet he's planning to outlast me there. His aim is to secure a strong reference from the editor-in-chief before he eventually moves on, so he's resolved to see it through. The trouble is, he still leans on his parents financially, while I've been shouldering every single one of my own expenses. I'm closing in on a point where I simply can't sustain myself at this paper anymore. And a salary bump isn't going to happen—two veteran reporters who've been there for ages are only pocketing a hair more than I am.
Single and at the absolute bottom of my financial well, I'm in a genuine crisis. Part of me is itching to bolt and find something more profitable, yet another piece of me wants to grit my teeth and remain beside him until he's prepared to leave too. I've fallen completely head-over-heels for this man, but I'm perpetually flat-broke!
What's your take? Should I remain at this hopeless job to stay beside someone who might be my forever person until we're both ready to walk away together? Or ought I prioritize my career and relocate without him? Warm regards.… —Ambitious Romantic
Sweetheart, My Kumquat: Balderdash! Stop fretting over romance. Hand the editor-in-chief ten rock-solid examples demonstrating your journalism is boosting readership numbers, brush aside the veteran reporters, and demand that raise. Keep delivering readers and demanding that raise until it finally arrives. That's how you resolve your predicament—by taking charge. Not by tethering yourself to some fellow.
In the meantime, begin lining up interviews at competing newspapers, magazines, and media organizations. Plenty of people wring their hands wondering why women—every bit as sharp and gifted as men—lead just 6.4 percent of Fortune 500 companies. I never wring my hands. I never wonder. After reading your message, Miss Ambitious Romantic, I already know. The answer hides inside your question: "Should I remain at this dead-end job to be with someone who might be my forever person?" Your supposed "soulmate" might fall for another person, suddenly decide to pursue culinary school, head back for an MBA, or pivot in any of a hundred other directions. By sitting on your hands waiting for him, you're chaining yourself to his wins and losses. Get on your feet, kid! Grant yourself the same freedom to thrive that you've been handing him. That's the genuine test of love—and its deepest tragedy.
