Felt bad for Michael Cohen. He probably screwed things up massively by fumbling the task of silencing President Donald Trump's supposed former fling, Stormy Daniels, with a nondisclosure agreement. It's certainly not all on him—his jerk of a boss likely didn't supply the resources (poor Michael was digging through his Subaru's backseat hunting for spare coins to fund the payoff) or the authorization (Donny failed to sign, Michael should have informed him it was an "autograph") necessary to nail down a watertight NDA from Stormy (stage name), also known as Stephanie Clifford (legal name), also known as Peggy Peterson (pen name) also known as Whatever Freaky Bedroom Moniker Donald Coined For Her I'd Rather Not Discover (endearing nickname).
As news broke yesterday, Stormy has seized the moment to drag Trump into court, arguing the NDA she inked is unenforceable. She's got a story to tell and it almost certainly carries an explicit rating. NBC News is now reporting that Michael Cohen submitted a "confidential" restraining order connected to a "private arbitration process" and has been intimidating and warning Stormy with consequences should she chat about her steamy business with the president. Stormy's counsel Michael Avenatti is labeling the whole thing garbage. Per NBC:
Seems like on February 28th, Michael C. fired off this sketchy temporary restraining order to Stormy's previous lawyer (Come on, Michael! can you mess up literally everything?) pointing out that "The document itself must stay confidential and not be shared with anyone per the judge's order terms." Eventually the paperwork reached the correct attorney, likely with a Ziggy comic stapled to it. Avenatti the Hottie (I'll dub him that because there's already a Michael) shared this reaction to the maneuver:
Watch out for Avenatti the Hottie! He came to play. Lawrence Rosen though (that's Michael Cohen's attorney who once also represented Trump) insists that the original NDA contained a provision permitting an injunction "in the event of a breach or threatened breach of the agreement". In Rosen's view, that translates to lawyer-speak meaning "existence is an empty abyss".
You know what would improve this saga, extra attorneys! Sarah Sanders isn't one but she performs the role on television, so it's close enough for the Trump team. Sarah claims that Trump rejects "all of these allegations" implying he doesn't know her and knows nothing about nothing. Yet Sarah then sort of shot herself in the foot by stating, "I have had conversations with the president about this and as I explained earlier, this case had already been won in arbitration," indicating he did have knowledge for someone supposedly completely uninvolved. Confronted about this remark, Avenatti the Hottie took the White House Rap Battle trophy with the zinger, "Yeah, and he won the popular vote, too".
Don't miss the next chapter of Make It Stop Theater which is likely already live on Twitter this very moment.
Pic: Instagram
