Conversations around self-love have become increasingly common, and for valid reasons.
Yet while we can browse countless recommendations for relaxing evenings at home or tune into inspiring podcasts from brilliant creators, sometimes the most powerful guidance comes from people navigating the same journey. Real women, authentic stories, and genuine voices that reflect back at you when you need encouragement most.
February strikes us as an especially fitting moment. Yes, Valentine’s Day brings love to the forefront, but it’s also the time when winter deepens and self-assurance can unexpectedly dip. That’s why we reached out to women of diverse ages, backgrounds, and life paths to describe what self-love means to them, and here are their responses.
Think of this as a year-round Valentine.
“To me, self-love means genuinely accepting every part of myself—who I am, who I’ve been, and who I still aspire to become.”
– Katie, 71
“It was in the journey (not the constant striving) of growing into a better daughter, wife, mother, and friend that I discovered a woman I could truly love.”
– Brittany, 33
“Valuing and embracing the traits you might not adore, while also putting effort into changing those aspects if that’s what YOU want. That crucial ‘if’ is key—transforming something about yourself for your own sake is an act of self-love; it can be driven by personal growth, embracing a challenge, or overcoming hurdles. Changing yourself to please others feels like the opposite because you’re prioritizing their views over your own feelings and wishes.”
– Anne, 44
“I measure self-love by the ratio of positive to negative thoughts I have about myself each day. Am I actively appreciating who I am, or am I listening to a different internal narrative? If the balance tips against me, I know I need to practice more encouraging self-talk the following day.”
– Victoria, 37
“Self-love is the ongoing process of yielding to and honoring the way God created me.”
– Brittney, 26
“Treating yourself the way you wish others would treat you.”
– Kenz, 26
“For me, self-love means respecting and unconditionally embracing every single version of yourself—at every age, every stage, every day, every hour. You may not always like certain aspects, but self-love involves recognizing that we are always changing and making choices that align with our highest self. Self-love is the purest form of unconditional love.”
– Katie, 31
“I see self-love as the deliberate care of our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. But it doesn’t stop there—that self-love then equips us to support, encourage, and sustain others. When we are at our best, we can be fully present in our relationships.”
– Leslie, 28
“Self-love is the capacity to accept myself fully and genuinely celebrate the qualities that define me (both physical and mental), no matter how others might view them.”
– Kelsea, 26
“Rudy Francisco said, ‘I’m still learning to love the parts of me that no one claps for.’ To me, that has always captured the essence of self-love—accepting and embracing yourself as you are today, even in all the ways you fall short of what you or others hoped you would be.”
– Colleen, 27
“Finding the equilibrium between self-awareness and not indulging in insecurity. Making time to listen to my body, my heart, and my mind. Learning, listening, and giving—to myself, to them, to us, to others.”
– Katie, 26
“Building yourself up instead of tearing yourself down; being honest with yourself; appreciating both your strengths and areas for growth; embracing the person your life journey has shaped you into.”
– Anna, 25
“At this stage in my life, I think self-love means empowering all the positive affirmations you deserve and finally letting go of the negative, self-critical thoughts from adolescence.”
– Kira, 24
“Feeling gratitude for the person I became after the many challenges and mistakes I made throughout my life.”
– Francesca, 73
“I define self-love as the radical commitment to choose yourself again and again, regardless of the situation. Life will throw all kinds of obstacles in our path, making it difficult—sometimes seemingly impossible—to feel love for ourselves. Self-love doesn’t mean we are constantly wrapped in warm, fuzzy feelings. It simply means making choices that honor our own well-being and highest good, even when we doubt we can or don’t feel like it.”
– Stephanie, 28
“Understanding that self-love is not selfish. All your relationships—with friends, family, romantic partners—will be stronger, more mutually joyful, and healthier if you are whole and kind to yourself. And if they don’t improve, that reflects a flaw in the relationship, not in you.”
– Kelsey, 33
“I pause and gently tell my heart, ‘You are doing the best you can.’”
– Christie, 27
“To me, self-love means being unapologetic about the things that bring me joy.”
– Kitty, 21
“Self-love is the practice of carving out time and space to nurture your interests and passions. It allows us to recharge in ways that are unique to each of us.”
– Rachel, 32
“Self-love is a reminder to your soul of its timeless worth and a confidence born from the unique power of your own skin.”
– Victoria, 23
“It’s choosing to extend grace to yourself over and over, no matter how undeserving you may feel.”
– Ashley, 23
“For me, it’s knowing that my identity, security, and worth come from God. When I understand that, I can love myself and others.”
– Lauren, 29
“A grateful heart that embraces the whole of me in every season: my spirit, body, and soul with all their immense gifts.”
– Michelle, 47
“It’s like a plant—something that grows and develops. If the seed is good, the roots are nurtured, and the sun and rain come in balanced amounts (like life—that’s life), then the fruit is juicy and nourishing. The thing about plants and growing things is that they can’t spend much energy looking inward. They just reach up and down, wait and hope (at least I like to think they hope), and then, there they are—everything they were meant to be. It’s lovely. I’m over the ‘I’m-great-and-the-best-and-if-I-say-it-loud-it’ll-be-true’ routine. True self-love isn’t very self-conscious; it’s more about others. When the love you give is reflected back, it’s a small step to love the self who gave it. I want to do more of that. I guess that’s not so much a definition as an attitude.
I am, as I like to say, on the young side of old. I might have a lot of attitude. Dare I love it?”
– Linda, 63
“Self-love is accepting everything that makes you you—the scars, the bumps, the quirks, every bit of stunning humanity inside and out.”
– Leslie, 26
“Valuing and sacrificing for the time you need to feel rested and centered.”
– Katherine, 31
“Holding my strengths, failures, longings, and dreams close, and taking moments to reflect on how these all shape the woman I am becoming. Yet also remembering that I am enough and loved exactly as I am, whether I am understood, noticed, or achieve anything.”
– Kristin, 33
“I find self-love when I look back over the past four decades—the embarrassing outfits, the terrible advice I gave, my fragile ego and desire to be different, a brunette who wanted to be blonde. The striving, the scraping by, my resourcefulness and eagerness. The years of hard work and ill-fitting clothes, the years of breastfeeding and being awake and exhausted, the years of laundry. I love that woman! Those former selves collectively piece together who I am now. I see her in a different light (great boobs!) and feel such overwhelming compassion for my teenage self, my job-hunting self, my newlywed self, the young mother me. I freely give grace to who I was. Self-love has to include a bit of that—appreciating ourselves from a distance, softened by hazy memory, deep compassion, and a healthy dose of eye-rolling.”
– Jennifer, 33
“Honor. Dignity. Knowing—truly knowing—that you hold value because of who you are, not because of what you do, how you look, or who you know. Self-love can grow if you make steady, small decisions like not picking apart what you see in the mirror, not comparing yourself to others, and choosing to deeply believe you are worthy of love with your flaws, wrinkles, scars, and mistakes. There’s no final destination; it’s more of a forward movement that brings increasing peace and rest as the insanity and darkness of perfectionism and comparison fall away. It’s work. It’s a choice. And it’s worth it.”
– Elizabeth, 50
“Taking time to improve myself and enjoy life’s small pleasures—guilt free.”
– Elisa, 37
“I’m still figuring this out and know it’s an ever-evolving process. At 28, I’d say self-love is about knowing yourself at your core and allowing yourself—appreciating your good qualities, being drawn to what you truly want in life, letting go of other activities without guilt, putting less pressure on being better, and seeing flaws differently. It’s more about inner appreciation than outer comparison. And it’s so contrary to what society taught us—that we must be perfect and hide the ‘bad’ qualities. I’ve found that those same perceived weaknesses were exactly what made me great when I viewed them in a different light. I’ve found that tuning into myself briefly for a few minutes each day and asking what I need works quite well.”
– Emily, 28
“Naps and spinach. If I’m going to play hard, raise healthy babies, and create from a place of abundance and generosity, then self-love means generous doses of sleep and nourishing meals.”
– Liz, 41
“Willing to be intimately acquainted with my greatest strengths and deepest weaknesses, understanding there is One greater who knows them even more deeply and loves me unconditionally.”
– Robin, 59
“Self-love requires leaning into ourselves with honesty, acceptance, and forgiveness. It means exploring our vulnerability, nurturing our strengths, cultivating our spirit, and creating intentional space(s) for all of that to happen. At its best, self-love results in the unabashed expression of our true self. It’s what happens when we dare to be our own light—and to keep sparking it.”
– Valeria, 33
“Never apologizing for choosing what makes you happy over the happiness of others.”
– Zhrah, 18
“There is a toxic self-love that leads to self-centeredness, and there is a nontoxic version that recharges you. Positive self-love should involve rest and investing in your health holistically (body/mind/spirit) so you can be an effective agent of love in your sphere of influence.”
– Sarey, 34
“For me, self-love is when I choose self-respect. Even when I don’t love my body, my story, or my circumstances, I choose respect as a bridge to self-love through my words, actions, and mindset.”
– Rebecca, 46
“Accepting oneself fully, acknowledging shortcomings and areas to grow, while settling into the person you are today, here and now.”
– Allison, 31
“Self-love is first and foremost being rooted in your identity, value, and worth from the inside out. Grounded in the knowledge that you matter because of who you are, not what you do, accomplish, your status, or relationship status. The journey of learning to love yourself authentically begins here.”
– Kat, 32
“It’s a deep knowing that you are okay and deserving of love no matter what anyone says or how they treat you or what obstacles come your way. It’s a centering belief that you matter.”
– Mary, 50
“Self-love evolves as we evolve. For me, opening up about postpartum anxiety to my community and asking for help as a new mom felt like the most loving thing I could do for myself.”
– Jessica, 34
“Seeking to understand who I am—physically, emotionally, and intellectually—and then intentionally nurturing the healthiest and most content version of myself.”
– Buki, 33
“Self-love is never doubting yourself, never quitting, and being open to all the opportunities presented to you—even the ones you don’t see right away.”
– Stefanie, 37
“Self-love is the ability to silence your inner critic (taking captive every shaming, demeaning, condescending, negative voice, feeling, and mindset), which releases you into a continually transformative love so deep and pure that you can function from a place of abundance and overflow.”
– Liz, 32
“Acceptance. It’s about embracing your best self, inside and out, the beautiful and the ugly. It’s about showing yourself the same love and affection you show others, because you wouldn’t judge or put down someone you care about, so don’t do it to the most important person—yourself.”
– Diana, 28
“Self-love is acceptance that I am a work-in-progress. It lies in the knowing that when I can see myself through others, and mirrored back to me—that is who I am; the mirror and the light of Love.”
– Iris, 68
“Having grace for yourself, treating yourself the way you would treat your closest friend, and giving yourself love and patience. Taking time to care for yourself.”
– Jessica, 31
“Free to be who you are with no shame.”
– Judy, 55
“The moment you have with yourself where you encounter peace and choose to move forward in freedom.”
– Abigail Louise, 20
“I don’t know how I would define it, but it starts with valuing myself and my well-being enough to actually pause long enough to ask myself where I am and what I need.”
– Joelle, 31
“To me, self-love definitely includes an epsom salt bath and essential oil mud mask while reading Darling, but on a deeper level it’s taking time to pause, examine my heart, and through reflection enrich my soul, cultivating growth, patience, and humility in my heart and relationships.”
– Searcy, 31
“Mastering ‘self-like’ seems harder than ‘self-love’; working toward speaking kindly to the girl in the mirror and quieting the incredibly unhelpful inner critic (who shows up at the most inconvenient times) are my attempts to foster more self-like in my life.”
– Talitha, 32
“To me, self-love means offering gentleness and attention to my past, present, and future self.”
– Rebekah, 28
“Self-love takes kind ownership of our full human experience and lays the foundation that we are already safe, complete, and beautiful. No need to hide, change, or strive to be valued. Self-love is the radical and mundane belief that infuses daily habits with value, presence, and the intention to enjoy oneself and one’s life as it is now. To really see and celebrate the unique delight of being alive as you, not someone else. It is a declaration of self-worth that demands to be heard but is also quiet in its rooting. It is often tied to self-care—a series of rituals that remind us again and again in the cycle of a normal day that our habits matter because they reinforce presence in the moment and keep us close to our voice, our spirit, our purpose each day. The side-effect of self-love is that it can nourish contentment and compassion, allowing competition, fear, anger, and other incomplete coping mechanisms to fall away, leaving a heightened awareness of the beauty of ourselves and others—both as we are now and as we hope to be.”
– Abby, 29
“Inhabiting every corner of your being and inviting it all to belong. Gentle presence and generous belonging.”
– Elizabeth, 27
“Self-love is giving yourself the same gentleness that you offer out—seeing yourself just as worthy of the attention you give everyone else. Showing up in the world with a determined mercy that transcends the loud fears of our internal realm.”
– Kristi, 26
“Compassion toward and acceptance of who you are, have been, and will become.”
– Rachel, 27
“Looking yourself in the mirror and memorizing how your eyes crinkle when you genuinely smile; being okay with not getting it right the first time, and giving yourself permission to exist in wholeness, truth, and beauty, as you were made to.
And being good at making yourself laugh first.”
– Chantelle, 26
What Does Self-Love Mean to You?
Images via Marshall Cox
