First Date Leaves Local Woman Convinced She's Found Her Forever Partner In Excruciating Silence

NORWICH, CT—Declaring he may well be her perfect match, neighborhood resident Bethany Han disclosed to journalists Friday that she could envision spending an entire lifetime in excruciating quiet alongside the gentleman she had only just begun seeing that evening. "Although we barely know each other, Bill carries a presence that suggests he could be the fellow I sit next to in complete stillness for the remainder of my days, briefly locking eyes now and then as we each wait for the other to finally break the hush," Han observed, adding that she had no trouble picturing herself anxiously filling the hours at his side with absolutely no dialogue whatsoever, eventually growing old together in total wordlessness. "Murmuring the occasional phrase to relieve the agonizing awkwardness simply comes so effortlessly around him. I might be rushing things, yet the second my gaze met Bill's, I understood he could be the man I have absolutely nothing whatsoever to discuss with, through better or worse, for the rest of my days." As the press wrapped up, following several more minutes of unbearable quiet, Han had already resolved to wed her date before the night came to an end.