My upbringing was shaped by accounts of what went on in my grandfather's home—the celebrations and alcohol, the fury and brawls. During the day, he misused amphetamines, and at night he drank heavily, often through the early hours. One evening, matters escalated severely: he struck my grandmother, breaking her nose. My mother, still a child at the time, dialed 911. Though Nana was rushed to the hospital, Grandpa faced no arrest or legal consequences.
At eighteen, I had just earned summa cum laude honors from my Catholic all-girls school. Our house was filled with dozens of loved ones and relatives, celebrating the end of one chapter and the start of another. Despite being surrounded by people who cared for me, I felt an overwhelming urge to vanish. Anxiety consumed me; panic set in. I dashed upstairs, retrieved a leftover beer I had stashed in my brother's closet from a previous secret gathering, and downed it as fast as possible, hoping it would help me relax.
Fast forward three years: I was in Las Vegas marking my twenty-first birthday. Depression was again a fierce struggle. For my first legal beverage, a friend ordered red wine. I traced the rim of the glass with my finger, breathing in its deep scent. Right then, I vowed to stop toying with alcohol for the sake of my mental well-being—and never even touch it again. I committed to sobriety.
Sobriety hasn't been a walk in the park. I've missed invitations to dear friends' bachelorette parties and social events, and I've fielded countless nosy queries. Yet what I've gained is immense: tranquility, a healthier savings balance, improved mental wellness, and liberation from what could have become a full-blown alcohol addiction.
Given that alcoholism is woven into my family history and I also contend with mental health issues, I've learned to deeply value my sober lifestyle.
Below are insights I hope more people understand about individuals navigating and striving for sobriety:
Sober Living: Rethink Asking Why Someone Isn't Drinking
Sobriety Deserves Praise, Not Judgment
Those who opt for sobriety display remarkable bravery. Overcoming alcohol dependency is incredibly challenging. Our society currently lacks sufficient safe environments for individuals who decide to abstain from drinking. Therefore, offer encouragement to anyone you encounter who has made this commitment. Let them know you're proud and that you have their back if they ever require assistance.
Pause Before Inquiring Why Someone Isn't Drinking
Understand that asking why someone isn't drinking is extremely intimate. There are numerous possible explanations for their abstinence. Rather than grilling them about it, take a moment to offer support or pose a different question, like, “What are you passionate about?”
Foster Safe Spaces for Those Practicing Sobriety
When hosting a gathering that includes alcohol, it's thoughtful to invite your sober friend if they might like to attend. Instead of excluding them, have an honest talk: express how proud you are of their sobriety and mention that you've made an effort to stock their preferred non-alcoholic drink.
In essence, root for your sober friend and back their courageous choice to live without alcohol and with freedom.
The truth is that alcohol can be deadly. Data from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism indicates that 15.1 million adults aged 18 and older suffer from Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD). The consequences of alcohol misuse are severe. Roughly 88,000 individuals (about 62,000 men and 26,000 women) die each year from alcohol-related causes, positioning alcohol as the fourth most preventable cause of death in the U.S.
On a personal level, I've gained far more than I've sacrificed by abstaining from alcohol. I deeply cherish my sobriety and regard it as one of the finest presents I've ever given myself—both mentally and physically.
Ways to Support a Sober Friend
Photos courtesy of Makayla Wagner
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