by Deepak Ramola | UPLIFT
What the Dying Can Teach Us
A deeply held Hindu belief holds that taking your last breath in Kashi (Varanasi) grants what is called 'Kashi Labh'—the fruit of Kashi—which is moksha, liberation from the cycle of rebirth driven by karma.
Among Varanasi's three guesthouses where people come to spend their final days, Kashi Labh Mukti Bhawan is one. The other two are Mumukshu Bhawan and Ganga Labh Bhawan. Founded in 1908, Mukti Bhawan is renowned both locally and beyond.
For 44 years, Bhairav Nath Shukla has served as Manager of Mukti Bhawan. He has watched people from all walks of life—wealthy and impoverished—seek shelter there in their last days, waiting for death and searching for serenity. Shukla shares their hope. Seated on a wooden bench in the courtyard, leaning against the red brick wall, he tells me 12 recurring life lessons drawn from the 12,000 deaths he has overseen as the guesthouse manager:
1. Settle All Disputes Before Departing
Shukla tells the story of Shri Ram Sagar Mishr, a Sanskrit scholar of his era. Mishr was the eldest of six brothers and closest to the youngest. Years earlier, a bitter quarrel between them led to a wall dividing the house.
In his final days, Mishr walked to the guesthouse carrying his small paan case and asked for room no. 3 to be kept for him. He was certain he would die on the 16th day after his arrival. On the 14th day he said, “Call my estranged brother of 40 years to see me. This resentment weighs on my heart. I am eager to resolve every conflict.”
A letter was dispatched. On the 16th day, when the youngest brother arrived, Mishr took his hand and asked that the dividing wall be torn down. He sought forgiveness from his brother. Both wept, and mid-sentence Mishr fell silent. His face grew peaceful. He was gone in an instant.
Shukla has seen this scenario recur in many forms over the years. “People carry so much baggage, needlessly, all through life only wanting to drop it at the very end. The secret is not avoiding conflicts but resolving them as soon as you can,” says Shukla.
2. Simplicity Reveals Life's Core Truth
“People stop eating rich foods when they know they are about to go. Many realize in their final days that they should have lived more simply. That is their greatest regret,” says Shukla.
A simple life, he explains, comes from spending less. We spend more to accumulate more, which creates more needs. Finding contentment with less is the key to having more.
3. Look Past Others' Flaws
Shukla believes every person has both good and bad qualities. Instead of rejecting “bad” people outright, we should seek out their virtues. Holding onto bitterness toward someone comes from focusing on their faults. If you concentrate on their good traits, you spend that time understanding them better—or even loving them.
4. Embrace Asking for Assistance
Knowing and doing everything on your own may feel empowering, but it stops you from absorbing what others have learned. Shukla says we must help others, but more importantly, we must have the courage to ask for help when we need it.
Every person in the world knows more than us in some area. Their knowledge can benefit us, but only if we are open to it.
He recounts an incident from the 1980s: an old woman was admitted on a rainy day. The people who brought her left without completing the inquiry form. A few hours later, police came looking for her relatives, claiming they were runaway Naxalites. Shukla pretended to know nothing. The police left. When the woman’s relatives returned the next morning, Shukla asked the leader bluntly, “When you can kill 5–8 people yourself, why didn’t you simply shoot your grandmother and cremate her yourself? Why did you make me lie and feel ashamed?” The grandson fell to his knees and begged forgiveness, saying none of them was capable of helping his religious grandmother attain salvation. He respected that, which is why he brought her to Mukti Bhawan.
5. Discover Beauty in the Ordinary
Mukti Bhawan plays soulful bhajans and devotional songs three times a day. “Some people,” Shukla says, “pause to admire a note or the sound of an instrument as if they have never heard it before, even if they have. They stop to appreciate it and find beauty in it.”
But that is not true of everyone, he adds. People who are overly critical or proud find it hard to take joy in small things because their minds are occupied with “seemingly” more important matters.
6. Acceptance Sets You Free
Most people avoid accepting what they are going through. This constant denial breeds highly dangerous emotions. Only when you accept your situation are you free to decide what to do about it. Without acceptance, you remain in a gray space.
When you are not in denial of a problem, you have the strength to find a solution.
Indifference, avoidance, and denial of a certain truth, Shukla believes, cause anxiety and create fear of that thing. Instead, accept the situation so you are free to think about what you want to do and how. Acceptance will liberate and empower you.
7. Treating All Equally Simplifies Service
This lesson explains the secret behind Shukla’s unwavering dedication and determination in his demanding job. He admits life would have been difficult if he treated people who check into Mukti Bhawan differently based on caste, creed, color, or social and economic status. Categorization leads to complication, and you end up serving no one well. “The day you treat everyone the same is the day you breathe easier and worry less about who might feel offended. Make your job simpler,” he says.
8. Act on Your Purpose When You Find It
Recognizing your calling is great, but only if you act on it.
Many people, Shukla says, know their purpose but do nothing to realize it or bring it to life. Simply sitting on it is worse than not having a calling at all. Having a perspective on your purpose helps you measure the time and effort you need to dedicate to it, while you are caught up in what you think you cannot let go or escape. Take action on what truly matters.
9. Daily Habits Forge Your Values
Shukla recommends cultivating good habits to develop good values. Building good habits takes time and practice. “It’s like building a muscle; you have to work at it every day.”
Until you consistently strive to be just, kind, truthful, honest, or compassionate every time you are challenged, you cannot expect to have attained that quality.
10. Be Selective in What You Learn
With the vast amount of knowledge available, it is easy to become lost and confused. “The key lesson here is to be mindful in choosing what you deeply feel will be valuable to you,” he says. People may impose subjects and philosophies on you because they interest them, and while you should acknowledge their suggestions, the wise approach is to delve deeper into what delights your own heart and mind.
With a smile, Shukla says, “In their last days, many people cannot speak, walk, or communicate as easily as before. So they turn inward. They start remembering the things that made their heart sing once—things they cared to learn more about over their lifetime, which enriches their days now.”
11. You Sever Ties with Thoughts, Not People
You can rarely distance yourself from people you have truly loved or connected with in some way. However, in any relationship, mismatched ideologies can cause people to stop communicating. That never means you are no longer connected to that person. It simply means you no longer associate with a dominant thought that person brings, and to avoid further conflict you move away. The divorce, Shukla affirms, is with the thought, never with the person. Understanding that frees you from bitterness and the desire for revenge.
12. Set Aside 10% of Your Income for Dharma
Shukla does not define dharma as something religious or spiritual. Instead, he says it is more about doing good for others and feeling responsible for that. A simple rule, according to him, is to keep 10 percent of your income for goodwill.
Many people donate or perform charitable acts near the end of life because death is hard on them. In their suffering, they begin to empathize with others’ suffering. He says those who have the companionship of loved ones, the blessings of unknown strangers, and an all-encompassing goodwill of people exit peacefully and gracefully. That is possible when you do not cling to everything you have, but leave some part of it for others.
Feature Image: Jorge Royan
