Adolescence
By LISA DAMOUR
Begin by Hearing Their View
Rather than jumping straight into statistics, try leading with authentic interest. Put aside any preconceived notions and pose questions like, "How do you feel about vaping?" or "Are there people at your school who vape?" or similar open-ended prompts.
Discovering where your teen stands on vaping — or any risky activity — accomplishes two goals simultaneously. For one, it influences the direction of the conversation that follows. If your daughter scrunches her face and admits, "I gave it a shot once and found it strange," you're headed down one path; if she smirks and replies, "Everyone's doing it — I fail to see the problem," you're headed down a completely different one.
Furthermore, inquiring about a teen's existing knowledge on any subject boosts the likelihood that they'll be open to hearing what we have to say on it as well. If we hope our adolescents will take our worries about vaping — or any other issue — to heart, we should first acknowledge that they may already have formed opinions based on direct observation or lived experience.
Explore the Appeal Before Warning Against It
Teens gravitate toward vaping for specific reasons. A number do it for the rush of flouting rules, especially when their friends are watching. Slim devices resembling USB drives, such as Juuls, let young people hide their e-cigarettes and take quick, subtle puffs at home, in school corridors, and even during lessons. Others appreciate the energizing kick from nicotine while reassuring themselves that they've avoided truly dangerous substances. By their very nature, teenagers look for opportunities to challenge boundaries imposed by grown-ups; vaping conveniently fits that bill.
Some adolescents are simply enticed by unusual flavor names like "German Chocolate Beefcake" or captivated by hypnotic online clips showcasing vapor tricks.
When grown-ups zero in exclusively on the drawbacks of tempting behaviors, teens can easily dismiss us as spoilsports who fail to understand. Grasping what makes vaping — and other risky pursuits — appealing to young people makes it simpler for adults to voice their viewpoint. Ultimately, we hope our teens will think through their decisions and look out for themselves. We can demonstrate this mindset by saying something like, "It's not that I'm against enjoyment. It's that I care about you."
Voice What Worries You
Adolescents quickly stop listening when adults treat every danger as equally grave. Because of this, we should acknowledge that trying standard e-cigarettes is very likely safer than experimenting with illicit substances, while also making clear that vaping does carry hazards. It's worth noting, too, that vaping has supplanted older methods of consuming marijuana — what appears to be a fruit-flavored vapor pen might actually hold cannabis-infused liquid.
"Research keeps uncovering new information about vaping, and none of it is encouraging," observes Dr. Skyler Kalady, who serves as assistant professor of pediatrics and medical director of complex care at the Cleveland Clinic.
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"The adolescent brain is far more vulnerable to dependency," she explains, "and nicotine is extremely habit-forming." Even e-liquids that contain no nicotine can include ingredients that may turn toxic or potentially carcinogenic once heated. What's more, tiny metal fragments shed from the device's heating element can, per Dr. Kalady, "expose young people to reactive airway disease, asthma, and even emphysema."
We preserve our teens' confidence by being upfront about what we understand and what is still unknown.
A possible approach: "Nicotine is extremely addictive, and even if you don't become dependent, it can influence how your brain develops. As for the lasting consequences of breathing in chemicals and metal particles, there's plenty we still don't understand. So why take that chance?"
Accept What You Cannot Control
Raising teenagers would feel far less daunting if we could simply establish a rule and consider the matter settled. However, taking an absolute no-tolerance position overstates the parent's authority and downplays the teen's independence. It can also motivate young people to exercise their freedom in defiant ways.
To sidestep a pointless (and possibly counterproductive) cycle of evasion, parents often benefit from a balanced strategy: communicating firm expectations in one sentence while admitting the boundaries of their influence in the next. "Vaping isn't risk-free," a parent might say, "so I expect you'll avoid it. At the same time, I can't force this decision on you. It's one you'll make on your own."
Parents who want to establish consequences for e-cigarette use could continue: "If we discover you're vaping, there will be penalties attached." We do our teens the greatest service by reminding them that every decision carries outcomes, just as we raise them most skillfully when we acknowledge that they'll always retain the power to choose.
Engaging teenagers about the threats they encounter isn't always simple. Yet adolescents do value their parents' input and engage in fewer risky behaviors when we maintain open dialogue. When tackling tough subjects with teens, there are plenty of approaches that work. One of the most effective is making sure we're conversing with them, not lecturing at them.
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Lisa Damour (@LDamour) practices as a psychologist in Shaker Heights, Ohio, and wrote "Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood."
