Insights from Amy Lang, MA, Childhood Sexuality Specialist
Given the recent surge in news coverage around sexual harassment, many parents find this subject challenging to bring up with their children. To assist, we turned to trusted childhood sexuality specialist Amy Lang for practical scripts and advice.
Sexual harassment stories are now everywhere in the media, and your children are likely to encounter this term repeatedly in the coming months. Even if you've strictly controlled what they see, other parents may not, and kids often chat among themselves—particularly about anything involving the word "sex."
Can you discuss sexual harassment with a child who hasn't yet learned about sex? Absolutely. But the more you postpone talking about sex broadly, the greater the chance your child will turn to the internet to fill in the gaps.
As a parent, you are the ideal person to educate your child on this issue. Consider this: if children don't understand what sexual harassment is, how can they recognize it if they experience it—or realize they might be harassing someone?
Surely you hope your child never ends up in either role—neither victim nor perpetrator. The answer is to start these conversations early, so they can stay safe and make wise choices in their relationships with peers and eventually colleagues.
Practical Advice for Discussing Sexual Harassment with Elementary-Aged Children
- Keep your composure throughout the discussion. If you panic, your child might assume something is wrong with them or with you, which can damage their trust.
- Start by asking whether they have ever heard the term "sexual harassment." If they answer yes, inquire what they believe it means. Prepare yourself—they might already know far more than you expect.
- Whatever their answer—even if it's perfectly accurate—you should still offer your own explanation. This teaches them two key lessons: that you are approachable for tough conversations, and what your family's values are regarding respect and treatment of others.
- Use the concept of bullying as a starting point. Most children already grasp what bullying means, why it occurs, and how to respond if they or a friend experience it.
- Try this sample script, or adapt it to fit your own words:
Sexual harassment resembles bullying. It occurs when someone makes remarks about another person's body, appearance, clothing, or private areas. Those comments can leave the recipient feeling uncomfortable, ashamed, frightened, or angry.
In some cases, the person engaging in harassment may touch the other individual without their consent.
While it mainly affects women and girls, it's not exclusive to them, and the perpetrators are typically men. This behavior is never acceptable or justified, and the harasser is aware that it's wrong.
They act this way because they frequently hold a position of authority over the victim—such as a supervisor—and it reinforces their sense of power.
Our family rule is this: if anyone ever does something like this—or anything that makes you uneasy—you come to me, and you won't be punished.
And if you ever accidentally act this way toward someone else, the same rule applies: tell me, and you won't face consequences.
Either way, I'll ensure you're safe and arrange for help if you or the other person requires it.
Practice reading it aloud several times to become comfortable with the phrasing. Then personalize it so you sound confident when speaking to your children.
Don't hesitate to admit to your kids that you feel awkward discussing certain topics. This honesty accounts for any hesitations you might have and sets a great example.
You might fear that this talk will frighten your children, but it's far more frightening for them to remain ignorant and attempt to make sense of it alone. They sense it's negative, yet without guidance from a trusted adult, the confusion can be even more harmful.
Having open discussions about difficult subjects like this, particularly when children are young, lays the groundwork for more nuanced talks later on. It may not be the most enjoyable activity, but the rewards are immense: children who are well-adjusted and joyful, and who mature into balanced, fulfilled adults.
Want more in-depth guidance on the birds and bees? Check out Amy Lang's online parent course here.
Meet the Author
Amy Lang, MA, has been a sexual health educator for more than two decades, helping parents and caregivers from all backgrounds discuss puberty and reproduction with their children. She authored the award-winning book Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids – A Guide to Sharing Your Beliefs About Sexuality, Love, and Relationships, as well as Dating Smarts: What Every Teen Needs to Know to Date, Relate or Wait. Amy remains married to her first husband, and together they are navigating the challenges of raising their teenage son. She resides in Seattle, WA. Find out more at BirdsAndBeesAndKids.com.
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